Hospitalizations - Shining a light in a dreary situation

I had never been in a hospital prior to having my first son. After he was born, I ended up back there three times within the first two months of his life. (Perforated appendix, then two very serious bouts of mastitis.) We also ended up with a 5-day stint at the local Children's Hospital when he was nine days old. That one was one of the hardest experiences of my life.

Broken and overwhelmed when my newborn was admitted.

Basically, within weeks, I went from being a hospital newbie, to a hospital veteran! By the third stay, my husband and I had our packing lists down; and he had perfected the "art" of making the sleeping chair passably comfortable. We also got to know the nurses pretty well, and settled into routines that involved him leaving during the day to spend time with our new baby while I tried to rest and heal.

Hospitals are amazing and necessary places where we are fortunate to get medical care when needed; but they can also be isolating and dreary when stays are for any extended period of time. It can also be awkward for loved ones to visit, depending on the situation - and ranging from reasons of lack of chairs and comfortable room for people, to topics of conversation. It's easy to get homesick, and stressed out about the happenings in "normal life" that one can't take care of or experience - both on the side of the patient, and their immediate family.

My goal in this post is to share a few of my personal experiences, and offer insight and suggestions for ways to practically and tangibly support and encourage those who find themselves or their family members facing hospitalization. (Of course, many of these ideas can also be generally applied to other situations where illness has impacted a loved one.)

Visiting

• This can be a welcome distraction, or something that overwhelms - depending on the situation, your relationship with the person hospitalized, etc. I am grateful for a good friend who was actually willing to help manage my catheter bag and rolling IV pole (yes, true story!) and take me on a walk or two around the floor after my surgery. However, there were definitely times during my stints when I was exhausted and it would have been a drain to visit with even my favorite people. If you aren't sure that a visit is the most helpful thing you can do, here are some suggestions:
• Ask a close family member or spouse - someone who is attune with the situation and knows whether a visit would be genuinely appreciated. (This takes the pressure off of a friend who really is tired, but may be afraid of hurting feelings by denying a request to come by.)
• Drop-off a thoughtful gift - (see below for ideas!) - you can leave it at the nurses station, or even stop by the room (if appropriate) but say that you only came by to bring it and say "hi" quick. This gives them grace to allow you to leave if they are tired or overwhelmed at the moment, or they can insist that you stay if a chat with you is what they need to brighten their day.
• Ask with another option - if you have a "direct line" in your relationship with the person, you can ask something like, "Hey would you like for me to come by for a bit, or can I __________________?" This is another way to give grace to them to "bow out" of face-to-face interaction by choosing the other option. (Just make sure the other option is helpful, heheehehe... See below for ideas!)
• If you are going to visit, and want to do something constructive with your time, consider bringing materials to give your (girl) friend a pedicure.
• FOOD. I was fortunate to have some pretty decent food options in the hospital where I stayed; however, hospital food in general isn't known to be tasty, and even I got cravings for some fast-food items. It can be a great help to bring something yummy to the patient (if it's okay with the doctor, of course), and/or to feed the family who is there as well. I remember my brother bringing Banh-mi sandwhiches for us down at Children's. We'd never had them before, but it was refreshing, and we felt loved!
• Oh yeah - another idea is to go by the cafeteria and hunt down something good. When I had my second son, I got the most amazing cookie I've ever tasted in my life on my delivered dinner tray one night. Thanks to one of the nurses, I discovered that they made and sold them in the cafeteria; and so I sent my husband to basically buy them out! 

Decent hospital food - a rarity?

Helping take care of "things at home"

• It can be very stressful to be stuck in a hospital when you feel helpless to take care of one's normal day-to-day responsibilities. This is especially true of parents with kids, and even more so with younger kids who are more dependent on mom and dad. Addressing these kind of concerns can be one of the best and most-practical ways to help a loved one who has been hospitalized!
• Take care of the kiddos - I was so grateful to have my parents nearby. They were able to keep my new baby with them at their house for all of the nights and days I spent away from him. If you are equipped and available to help out then go for it! Even if you can't commit to a long period of time there are a lot of things that don't take much like: offering rides to and from school and/or extracurriculars, feeding them, or taking them for a while to go to a park or get frozen yogurt, etc. Knowing that your kids are being taken care of and loved on can relieve a great burden when you are unable to do so yourself.
• Cleaning the house - pick a chore that you can handle to pitch in, organize some friends for a cleaning party, or collect donations to hire a housekeeper. Chances are, your loved one's spouse/family isn't in much of a position to help keep up with chores and cleaning; and coming home to a clean house is a great load of stress off their shoulders! (Don't forget gardening needs, or pets.)
• Meals for after the hospital - this is a great suggestion from a friend of mine. There are some meals that freeze well (search on Google or Pinterest if you need ideas.) Of course you can also organize fresh, delivered meals with friends and family - and freezer meals can be used to fill in gaps or for long-term needs.
• Discharge day - have a crockpot meal ready to make the house smell good, fresh flowers on the counter, tidy up the house, set the thermostat to a comfortable temperature, set out towels so a shower is ready-to-go, etc. Little touches like this help ease them back into their home and make the transition less stressful for sure!

Gift Baskets, Care Packages, and Necessities

• Sometimes, hospitalizations occur without notice - and in this case it's great to check in and make sure that toiletries and other comfort items are available to those who are at the hospital. If needed, you can get a list from the spouse or other family member to grab items from their home. (I had to utilize this option a few times myself.) I found a great blog post you can check out here that extensively covers this topic, or here are some other ideas for care packages to make their stay more bearable:

• Pinterest and Google have great pictures of baskets and lists for comfort items and "survival" kits for the person who is hospitalized. These work great as well for the close family members who are also spending a lot of time there. Some examples: Travel-size toiletries, chapstick, hand sanitizer, reading materials, lotion, warm socks, gum/breath mints, chocolate, hair ties, bath sponge. 
• Specifically for kids - busy bags and activity books are a great idea because this is something that you can give to the family to use at home to help them be distracted from worry, or for giving kiddos something to do while visiting at the hospital. (Or for kids who are the ones hospitalized.) Here are some helpful links for ideas:
• Pinterest
• Google
• Etsy (for pre-made ones)
• Amazon  (if you have prime - have something shipped directly to family, or take advantage of the fast delivery to yourself and then put together a basket)
• You can also go to the $1 bins at Target, or to a dollar store, to find some good stuff!
• Treats & Snacks - hospital food, and hospital cafeterias, can be fairly "hit or miss". It could be a welcome idea to put together a basket of goodies, (and healthy stuff too), for the patient and/or visitors. (You may want to check in with the nurses station in cases where the patient is on a restricted diet if you want something specifically for them.)
• "Side note" on pampering - another special memory I have is when my aunt and mom came by my hospital room together and helped wash my hair with this cool little shampoo/head cap thing. It might be worth it to check with a nurse to see if those are available if your loved one is bedridden during their stay and a conventional shower is not an easy option.

Cards & Flowers

• A fresh beautiful bouquet of flowers can do a lot to cheer up a hospital room, and make someone feel loved and thought-about. It's also an easy action for a loved one who doesn't live near you - simply do a web search for their local flower delivery options, (or check in with the hospital gift shop). If it's not in your own budget, get a few friends to pitch in and cover the cost and send it together. 
• An Edible Arrangement, or other yummy, deliverable treat, might be a welcome sight for munching on. Just make sure that there aren't any hospital rules against this or dietary restrictions for the patient. (Of course, these are also great options for sending to the house after they are discharged.)
• Hallmark, and other card retailers should have a decent "get well" selection to choose from. You can also search Etsy for something more specific if you desire. 
• If the person hospitalized has kids, one great idea could be to do a "card making" project with them so that they could make something special for mom/dad. (Or have your own kids make them.) I love these ideas I found on Pinterest:

• These are also great to make for a child who is hospitalized. They would certainly bring a smile!
• If you want to be better at writing cards, check out my post about Snail Mail!

Other Misc. Ideas

• When I was hospitalized away from my baby, the family of a patient in the room next to mine bought me a recordable book from Hallmark so that I could record myself reading it so that my little one could hear my voice. It was an incredible touching gesture and a great idea for anyone with kiddos!
• The nurses in the hospital gave my husband a baby blanket (they had me hold it for a while so it "smelled like me") and a picture of me to put in my baby's bassinet. 
• You could put a picture of your friend's kids in a pretty frame to brighten up their hospital room. (Modify this idea for any age/situation.)
• Purchase an iTunes gift card to give them so they could download some new music. Music is "food for the soul" indeed! This would lift their spirits and help pass the time. (Include a set of headphones if they don't have any with them from home.)
• If they have an android phone, see if there is an equivalent that would work
• You could also offer to purchase some new apps/games for their phone to provide fun and distraction
• Extra-long phone cord - sometimes hospitals are set up with conveniently-located electrical sockets, but this isn't always the case. Check in with the patient to see if a super long cord might come in handy for keeping charged to stay connected, play games, listen to music, etc right from their hospital bed. 
• "Comfort Blanket" - A smaller, super-snuggly blanket can be a welcome comfort when in bed for a long period of time. Hospital bedding isn't known for it's vibrant colors, or soft sheets.... (You could also find a pretty pillow case, or a comfy body pillow.)
• Travel Games - great for passing the time in a small space. We happened to find a travel-sized game of Sequence in the hospital gift shop, and I have some great memories of playing it with my husband. This is also a practical item that you can have shipped directly from Amazon. You could buy for the adults, or for kids. 
• Thank you gifts for the nurses/doctor - I sure had some wonderful nurses who took care of me (and my hubby) during my times as an invalid. It could be a sincere and sweet gesture to thank the hospital staff who is providing care for your loved one. Here are some good ideas.
• Celebrations/etc. - We ended up celebrating our wedding anniversary over a chili dog dinner at the Ronald McDonald House, instead of going on the date night we'd planned. Our new friends, whose baby was in the room next to ours, surprised us with a make-shift cup of celebratory goodies. That gesture is emblazoned on our hearts! If the hospitalization takes place over a birthday/anniversary, etc you could put together a little something to help make it special. (Doesn't have to be over-the-top, but often these dates fall in priorities when there is illness/injury, so it would be super sweet to acknowledge and help them celebrate!)
• Be an advocate and/or help figure out details at the hospital - If the family is overwhelmed, or you are a close family member or friend, you can step in to help in these difficult circumstances. Things you can do: locate vending machines and other comfort facilities, ask nurses and other staff for blankets/water/etc on behalf of those staying in the room for extended times, map out close locations for drug stores / grocery stores / restaurants, write down important information so that it's not forgotten in the midst of emotional trauma or chaos, and (hopefully not often, but sometimes necessary) step in to advocate if a doctor appears to be misinterpreting questions or situations, or be a "strong voice" as needed.

The goal of this post is not to overwhelm you! You are not meant to do all of these things; and in most cases not even many of these things. The goal is to provide a wealth of ideas for you to figure out what works best with your gifts, resources, interests, and time. I also think I would have loved having this page for myself as a patient so that I had ideas about what to tell people when they asked what I needed.

Getting as comfy as possible, spending another night at the hospital!

As always, if you have other suggestions please comment below!

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