Infertility and Miscarriage - Thoughtful Gifts

If infertility and/or miscarriage haven't affected you personally, chances are that you know someone who they have. My husband and I personally walked the road of infertility for about four years before we had our first little boy - a true joy and miracle! While I have not experienced the sorrow of miscarriage myself, I know several friends who have; and I can guess that I know many more who haven't shared the heartache outside of intimate circles.

There is so much that we could write and share with you about these two topics! In the future, we have plans to collaborate on topics concerning how to talk with someone who is going through it. This post will focus on some simple ideas for gifts and cards that are specific to these incredibly painful life experiences. These small things can be a true encouragement, and the thoughtfulness behind them can speak silent volumes. (Especially if you are at a loss for words.)

• Be a shoulder to cry on.
• So this isn't a "tangible" gift, but I couldn't write this post without mentioning it. I distinctly remember sitting in a Starbucks on one of the most painful days of my infertility journey, sobbing my heart out to my BFF. I'm sure I must have been quite a sight! I was so miserable that I didn't care who saw me or heard my muffled words of pain and grief. She simply sat and listened, and shared my burden by just being there for me. There were many other instances over those years where I was so grateful for the chance to "cry it out" in the presence of a friend who loved me enough to support me in this way. If you don't know what to say to bring comfort, a genuine hug and a willing ear are always a blessing of a gift! 

• A "snail mail" card
• I tend to keep a supply of random funny cards on hand to send to someone who is going through a tough time. My thoughts on this are that I'm sure that they could use something to make them smile. Usually, I will also find an encouraging quote or verse to write inside. Hallmark, Target, Hobby Lobby, and Trader Joes (or other stores) all carry a variety of sweet, encouraging, and "thinking of you" type cards that serve the general purpose quite well. However, it's hard to find one that is specific to infertility or miscarriage - so I want to spread the word about some of the AWESOME cards that I have found on Etsy! 

As you can see - there is quite an assortment of options, and, depending on your personality and the personality of your friend, you should be able to find the perfect card. (I've left the names of the shops on the images I have shared if you'd like to purchase one of these, or just go to Etsy and do a search for "Infertility card" or "Miscarriage card".) Personally, I would have died (in a good way!) if someone had sent me the ferret card! ;0)

• Small, meaningful, "token gifts".
• If you know the woman, and her personality, really well you might decide that a special piece of jewelry is an appropriate gift that will encourage her heart. (I once gave a girlfriend a locket engraved with "Romans 12:12", and told her to hold on to the hope that someday she WOULD have the picture of her own precious baby to put inside.) However, be mindful that some gals aren't quite comfortable about being public with their journey. If you know that's the case, or just aren't sure, I'm including a few other ideas:

This is a phrase used specifically in infertility circles.
(Well wishes, and "good luck" type sentiment.)

Again, these items are all pulled from Etsy. You can find many more by doing a search for "Infertility gift" or "Miscarriage Gift". On a personal note, the same friend who let me cry with them in Starbucks also hand-made a framed pretty flower painting and verse. Pinterest is another great source of inspiration for gifts that you can look to purchase, or for ideas that you can make yourself if you are of the artist or craft persuasion.

• Care Packages / Gift Baskets
• This is an idea that does take some time, but you can spend as little or a much as you need. Pinterest has a lot of great ideas about care packages and baskets in general. If you're not sure where to start, think about items that are great for stress relief: candles, bubble bath, chocolate, wine (if they enjoy it), lavender scents, etc. 
• "Sunshine" baskets/packages - I think this is such a cool idea! Basically, collect things that are yellow. It's perfect for any type of situation where someone could use a smile and a little cheering up or encouragement:

• Books - Can be part of a care package, or a gift all on it's own. There are plenty of ways you can use one. If you want to give them a much-needed distraction, choose a best-seller or genre you know will "suck them in". You could also go for general encouragement; (a friend once gave me a copy of "Hinds Feet on High Places", a beautiful and powerful allegory. I always keep a copy on hand for anyone going through a painful life trial.) There are also infertility and miscarriage-specific options. I have passed on my copy of a snarky-titled book that I read myself, and several friends have recommended Hannah's Hope, which is appropriate for both infertility and miscarriage (and also has a great website ministry with a ton of resources). My recommendations stem from a Christian perspective, because that's who I am and therefor a lens in which I found great comfort; however you can easily do an Amazon search that will give you some good "neutral" options with plenty of reviews to gauge their effectiveness in helping women during this trying time. 
• Please note: Unless your friend has specifically asked for it, (or you know them well-enough that you know this type of book would be appreciated), please refrain from books that detail HOW to get pregnant.

• A meal
• The very first time that I personally experienced a dear friend opening up to me that she'd had a miscarriage, I didn't quite know what to do or say. So I did the one thing I knew how to love her by - I arranged some meals for her and her husband over the course of the next week or so. Food is just the way we show love! When a friend is dealing with the emotional turmoil and deep pain that infertility and miscarriage bring, it can be a relief to not have to worry about cooking dinner. It's also a good way to encourage them to make sure they take care of themselves, especially if they are battling depression. If they are dealing with infertility specifically, providing meals on days of procedures is one of the best ways to offer your support! (My sister-in-law drove down from Corona and brought us Costco chicken alfredo when I was on bedrest after my first embryo transfer. I also have a picture of my mom serving me lunch in bed. It was such a bright spot in my day, and a welcome distraction from anxiety.)
• If this sounds like a great idea, but you're feeling overwhelmed with what's happening in your own life, check out the post "How to feed friends when you can barely feed yourself."
• Flowers
• There's a reason why flowers are well-known in the gift world - such a simple, happy way to say "I love you". I decided to share my infertility journey online with a blog, so almost all of my friends and family knew how I was doing and our status. Consequently, they all knew when I would be finding out if the IVF had worked! The day of my blood test at the fertility center coincided with my teacher book club. One of my dear colleague friends showed up with a beautiful bouquet for me and told me that she was sure I would need it "whatever the outcome of the pregnancy test". This thoughtful gesture is forever emblazoned on my heart. 
  

This post will be updated as I collect experiences from others who can lend input from personal experience. If you have an idea to share, please comment below! 💙

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