Infertility and Miscarriage - Thoughtful Gifts

If infertility and/or miscarriage haven't affected you personally, chances are that you know someone who they have. My husband and I personally walked the road of infertility for about four years before we had our first little boy - a true joy and miracle! While I have not experienced the sorrow of miscarriage myself, I know several friends who have; and I can guess that I know many more who haven't shared the heartache outside of intimate circles.

There is so much that we could write and share with you about these two topics! In the future, we have plans to collaborate on topics concerning how to talk with someone who is going through it. This post will focus on some simple ideas for gifts and cards that are specific to these incredibly painful life experiences. These small things can be a true encouragement, and the thoughtfulness behind them can speak silent volumes. (Especially if you are at a loss for words.)

• Be a shoulder to cry on.
• So this isn't a "tangible" gift, but I couldn't write this post without mentioning it. I distinctly remember sitting in a Starbucks on one of the most painful days of my infertility journey, sobbing my heart out to my BFF. I'm sure I must have been quite a sight! I was so miserable that I didn't care who saw me or heard my muffled words of pain and grief. She simply sat and listened, and shared my burden by just being there for me. There were many other instances over those years where I was so grateful for the chance to "cry it out" in the presence of a friend who loved me enough to support me in this way. If you don't know what to say to bring comfort, a genuine hug and a willing ear are always a blessing of a gift! 

• A "snail mail" card
• I tend to keep a supply of random funny cards on hand to send to someone who is going through a tough time. My thoughts on this are that I'm sure that they could use something to make them smile. Usually, I will also find an encouraging quote or verse to write inside. Hallmark, Target, Hobby Lobby, and Trader Joes (or other stores) all carry a variety of sweet, encouraging, and "thinking of you" type cards that serve the general purpose quite well. However, it's hard to find one that is specific to infertility or miscarriage - so I want to spread the word about some of the AWESOME cards that I have found on Etsy! 

As you can see - there is quite an assortment of options, and, depending on your personality and the personality of your friend, you should be able to find the perfect card. (I've left the names of the shops on the images I have shared if you'd like to purchase one of these, or just go to Etsy and do a search for "Infertility card" or "Miscarriage card".) Personally, I would have died (in a good way!) if someone had sent me the ferret card! ;0)

• Small, meaningful, "token gifts".
• If you know the woman, and her personality, really well you might decide that a special piece of jewelry is an appropriate gift that will encourage her heart. (I once gave a girlfriend a locket engraved with "Romans 12:12", and told her to hold on to the hope that someday she WOULD have the picture of her own precious baby to put inside.) However, be mindful that some gals aren't quite comfortable about being public with their journey. If you know that's the case, or just aren't sure, I'm including a few other ideas:

This is a phrase used specifically in infertility circles.
(Well wishes, and "good luck" type sentiment.)

Again, these items are all pulled from Etsy. You can find many more by doing a search for "Infertility gift" or "Miscarriage Gift". On a personal note, the same friend who let me cry with them in Starbucks also hand-made a framed pretty flower painting and verse. Pinterest is another great source of inspiration for gifts that you can look to purchase, or for ideas that you can make yourself if you are of the artist or craft persuasion.

• Care Packages / Gift Baskets
• This is an idea that does take some time, but you can spend as little or a much as you need. Pinterest has a lot of great ideas about care packages and baskets in general. If you're not sure where to start, think about items that are great for stress relief: candles, bubble bath, chocolate, wine (if they enjoy it), lavender scents, etc. 
• "Sunshine" baskets/packages - I think this is such a cool idea! Basically, collect things that are yellow. It's perfect for any type of situation where someone could use a smile and a little cheering up or encouragement:

• Books - Can be part of a care package, or a gift all on it's own. There are plenty of ways you can use one. If you want to give them a much-needed distraction, choose a best-seller or genre you know will "suck them in". You could also go for general encouragement; (a friend once gave me a copy of "Hinds Feet on High Places", a beautiful and powerful allegory. I always keep a copy on hand for anyone going through a painful life trial.) There are also infertility and miscarriage-specific options. I have passed on my copy of a snarky-titled book that I read myself, and several friends have recommended Hannah's Hope, which is appropriate for both infertility and miscarriage (and also has a great website ministry with a ton of resources). My recommendations stem from a Christian perspective, because that's who I am and therefor a lens in which I found great comfort; however you can easily do an Amazon search that will give you some good "neutral" options with plenty of reviews to gauge their effectiveness in helping women during this trying time. 
• Please note: Unless your friend has specifically asked for it, (or you know them well-enough that you know this type of book would be appreciated), please refrain from books that detail HOW to get pregnant.

• A meal
• The very first time that I personally experienced a dear friend opening up to me that she'd had a miscarriage, I didn't quite know what to do or say. So I did the one thing I knew how to love her by - I arranged some meals for her and her husband over the course of the next week or so. Food is just the way we show love! When a friend is dealing with the emotional turmoil and deep pain that infertility and miscarriage bring, it can be a relief to not have to worry about cooking dinner. It's also a good way to encourage them to make sure they take care of themselves, especially if they are battling depression. If they are dealing with infertility specifically, providing meals on days of procedures is one of the best ways to offer your support! (My sister-in-law drove down from Corona and brought us Costco chicken alfredo when I was on bedrest after my first embryo transfer. I also have a picture of my mom serving me lunch in bed. It was such a bright spot in my day, and a welcome distraction from anxiety.)
• If this sounds like a great idea, but you're feeling overwhelmed with what's happening in your own life, check out the post "How to feed friends when you can barely feed yourself."
• Flowers
• There's a reason why flowers are well-known in the gift world - such a simple, happy way to say "I love you". I decided to share my infertility journey online with a blog, so almost all of my friends and family knew how I was doing and our status. Consequently, they all knew when I would be finding out if the IVF had worked! The day of my blood test at the fertility center coincided with my teacher book club. One of my dear colleague friends showed up with a beautiful bouquet for me and told me that she was sure I would need it "whatever the outcome of the pregnancy test". This thoughtful gesture is forever emblazoned on my heart. 
  

This post will be updated as I collect experiences from others who can lend input from personal experience. If you have an idea to share, please comment below! 💙

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How to feed friends when you can barely feed yourself...

This is a picture of a special tray that my lovely friend brought to us after the birth of our second little dude. I have saved this for almost two years now because of the incredible thought and care it represents - down to the little notes attached with cute washi tape, and the pretty flowers. No worries... this is not the standard to which all of you are to be held! This friend was walking her own infertility journey, and yet her heart and time were free enough to bless us in this way.

When time is in abundance, it can be quite a treasure to put together or receive a from-scratch home cooked meal and thoughtful touches. If this is your gift - be inspired by this photo!

While her gesture touched me in particular, mainly due to the fact that I knew her heart was hurting over her own empty arms, I must stress that every friend who stopped with any kind of sustenance in those first few weeks was a beacon of light and hope to our tired and overwhelmed souls! From Chickfila takeout, to prepped Trader Joe's entrees and salads, what was most important was the effort that was made and the fact that we didn't have to cook for a meal period.

I have asked my mama friends what the biggest help is when they are stressed and overwhelmed, and one of the top things they have listed is meals. Food is one of the few things that literally can't be knocked off the priority list even when we are in crisis mode without severe consequences. (Especially if you, like me, tend to get hangry!)

Websites like Take Them a Meal, and Meal Train have made it easier than ever to organize dinners for families who need it; but it can seem like willing and ready-to-sign-up participants can be harder to find in the nutty season of mommyhood. I know what it's like to already feel the stress of meal planning, shopping, and cooking for my own family - and not knowing how to commit to do the same for someone else...

Fact: Meals are one of the very BEST ways to support a loved one.
Fact: We want to support our loved ones in the most practical, needed ways.
So, let's strategize!

Think through your own abilities, where you are willing to sacrifice a bit (because often times that's what real love calls for), and what your reasonable boundaries are - and check out these tips:

• First off, if you are feeling stressed about your schedule and when you have the time (or can make the time) to get a meal to someone, pick a day and date that will relieve that stress as much as possible. For example, if a meal calendar includes a weekend day when I know that my husband will be home to watch the kiddos while I cook or even be available to deliver the food for me, that's the first day that I will sign up for. Don't be afraid of signing up for a date that is farther away either, even if no one has taken the soonest available. People have given those dates farther out for a reason and I can guarantee that they will still be grateful when that time comes.

• Have meals in your freezer that are ready to go!
• Here's a strategy for you: If you find yourself planning a meal for your family that you know will freeze well, make extra. Then, put that extra in a freezer bag (or other storage container), and store it. That way, when a need arises and you are short on time and energy, you've already got something you can give. 

• If you've been able to give yourself the time to invest in cooking, and that's something you really love to do, then go for it! If not, consider what options are something that you know you can follow through with:
• Semi-home-cooked. Grab prepped entrees from a local store, and finish the cooking and/or assembling yourself. Salad kits, frozen Chinese and Pasta dishes, etc.
• Fast food. If you don't have time to cook or prep - figure out what some of their favorite take-out options are. Never underestimate the power of fulfilling the chocolate shake and fries craving of an exhausted new mom! Fortunately, there are a lot of restaurants these days that also have very healthy options, and even diet-specific ones as well.

• Whole, pre-cooked chickens - grab one, a salad kit, and a bag of rolls. Or, grab one with a package of tortillas and other ready-to-use taco ingredients. (Or both - I've don't that before so that the family had two or three different meals worth with that one bird!)

• Gift cards! 
• A thoughtful card with $$ is not just "better than nothing". This is a gesture that is still meaningful and always something that you can do when your loved one lives outside of where you can reach them by car in a reasonable amount of time. It can also relieve some of the burden/guilt felt by stressed out peeps who don't feel great about spending money on takeout or fast food. (I can attest to that by personal experience - after the break in I was in no condition to cook or meal plan, but felt bad about trying to save money since we had to replace expensive strollers and other items.)
• Keep some local restaurant giftcards on hand, as well as some encouraging greeting cards. (Or even send some directly from Amazon!)
• Don't forget about grocery store giftcards - which is also great if the person you wish to bless lives out-of-state and you don't know what kind of food options are available.

• Be honest! "I've got the kids with me, so let me know what drive-thru sounds good and I will gladly bring you nourishment! I'm sorry I can't cook you something super awesome, or hangout forever without the munchkins causing choas right now, but I love you and want to do something to help." If you can't commit to a home-cooked meal or spending an hour visiting when you drop it off, that's okay! A small, heart-felt, practical gesture speaks volumes over doing nothing because you can't attain higher expectations you've put on yourself. People love to feel that they just AREN'T ALONE. And you can always follow up later with a phone call or text to check in. 

• Meal delivery services.
• If you have a little extra cash to spend, or can go in together with a few friends, this is a great option! I know of a friend who lived a couple hours away who arranged for a simple pizza delivery after the birth of a baby. 
• Lots of pizza places deliver, but if you're hoping for something different, check to see if their address is part of one of the following companies:
• Door Dash
• Uber Eats
• Yelp Eat24
• GrubHub
• Do a web search for "food delivery services" in your area

• If you've got a heads-up that a friend is going to need meals, (like for a new baby), you can find time to prep some great freezer meals to help them stock up. Here is one site with a few good recipes designed specifically for freezing, or just do a web search for more ideas. 

• Check out our Pinterest board where I've included (and will continue to add as I find 'em) some other relevant links for providing meals. 

I hope that these tips bring you inspiration! If you have more to add, please comment below. 🙂

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Free Smiles! How to send "Memes" and "Gifs" by phone

This is something that I do almost every single day. It is sooooooo easy, simple, free, and instant! Just like the surprise of a handwritten card pulled from a stack of bills, funny and/or thoughtful text messages can be a great way to not only let someone know that you are thinking about them, but also bring them a much-needed smile! (I especially love the random ones that you know are sure to make someone stop and go "what?!".) Chances are, if I come across a meme that literally makes me laugh out loud, I will immediately grab it and send it to a handful of girlfriends - for no other reason that to bring them a smile.

The internet is ripe with material that will fit just about any circumstance you could think of. Pull up a browser on your phone and do an image search for "funny encouraging meme" for starters. (Fair warning - there are plenty of memes done in what I would consider "ill taste", so you'll have to ignore a few, or add words like "clean" to your search.😉)

For my "how to" example, I will choose a more "serious" image:

Here is a screenshot of the search I did on my phone: 

Notice that I searched only for "encouraging quotes", and then chose the "images" option below the search bar. Once I found an image that I liked, I selected it, and then touched it for a few seconds (holding finger down the whole time) until the following options popped up:

Galaxy Phone

iPhone

Next, I chose "Save Image" or "Download Image". This option is great because it will save it to the photo album on your phone! Now it will be available to use just like any other picture you have taken. (You could post it to Facebook, etc.)











If you know how to message someone a picture (as a text or email even) then you are good to go! Just in case, I will also give further instruction -

Open the image from your albums.

Choose that little square in the bottom left corner that has an arrow coming from it. 

Galaxy

iPhone

That will open your send options, and you can go from there!

Now, imagine getting a text from a friend and finding the motivational penguin:


via GIPHY


Gifs, (short for "Graphics Interchange Format"), are also a fun addition to your texting toolbox. Basically, in this context, they are short animations. There are a plethora of topics that you can find Gifs for, but I especially love the encouragement and motivation topics. One of my most-used favorites is the "hug" search. This is awesome especially for when you just don't know what to say - but you want to express that you are "there", and that you care! Since this is a screenshot, you can't tell but the little ghost bounces up and down and waves it's arms like a hug:

You can see at the bottom of the picture some of the other options that popped up - mostly little clips from movies and shows. Pretty much an option available for whatever the personality is of the person you are sending it to.

On most iphones you can go to settings>general>keyboards and find a "GIF Keyboard" option to add. An even easier method for any phone is to open up the App store and do a quick search:

iPhone

Galaxy

Just like memes, there are types for all kinds of tastes and humor. I usually think about the personality of whoever I am sending one too. Most of my friends know me to be a bit snarky, so I like the fun ones just as much as the "sweet" ones. Hehehehehehe....













via GIPHY

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The Beauty of Prime - sending love when you can't deliver

(Okay, so this post is specifically geared towards Amazon Prime users... BUT - the sentiment is the same whether you subscribe to this service or you drop a package in the mail yourself. You can also apply the same principle to ANY online retailer that you can ship through.)

There have been a couple of times recently when I have used Prime to send some love and support when I wasn't able to hand deliver gifts myself within a timely manner, or wanted something I knew would be useful that I couldn't get my hands on in any local stores. It's also a great option for anyone who doesn't live near you, or circumstances where you want to be "unobtrusive".

Have a friend whose family is facing a difficult circumstance? If you have their address, purchase a fun family game on Amazon and have it shipped directly to their house. Add a note in the gift options, or follow up with a card in the mail, that tells them to use it for some needed distraction, laughs, and family time.

Send a stressed-out girlfriend some chocolate, funny book or mommy devotional, a foot spa, etc.

A search for "toddler activities" will give you a ton of options, of all different price points for giving mamas something to keep their littles busy so they can put their feet up for a moment, take care of the baby, or just go to the bathroom alone for once. ;0) You can find options around five bucks!

Favorite books are easy to find and send through Amazon - many times these are perfect as welcome distractions, or encouragement through challenges. You can find thrilling best-sellers to help "suck in" a friend who needs a mental break, as well as topic-specific resources. CDs (do people still use those?) are also a great option if you consider their favorite artist or genre; or if they would appreciate uplifting songs of a religious nature.

Did you know that Amazon has a pretty good assortment of gift cards? When you don't have time to grab one from a specific restaurant, this can be a lifesaver. (I also like to order a couple for myself to have on hand already and stick in a card.)

Not only does the online shopping forum give you nearly unlimited resources, it's also a fun surprise to find an unexpected package on your doorstep! That moment alone could truly help brighten the day of your loved one.

Apply this method to a myriad of situations and purchases - just about anything can be bought on Amazon! (Or Etsy, or Ebay, or any retailer's website! Prime has the added benefit of "free" 2-day shipping, but you can always spend a little more to get expedited shipping from the other sources in most cases if time is of the essence.) All you need is the address of whoever you want to encourage. I've also used Pinterest for inspiration - by "stalking" a friend's board (okay, it's actually totally legit if you already "follow" them LOL) I have been able to discover perfect day-brightening gifts that I know have already caught their eye.



NOTE:  if you are indeed sending a purchase to a friend and choose to click the "This is a gift" checkbox, you MUST add something referencing yourself in the note option unless you want it to be anonymous. Otherwise, there is no way they will be able to find out it's from you! If you do forget, or if you just prefer, simply shoot your loved one a text telling them a package is on its way.

Oh yeah - for all you avid Amazon users, make sure that you are "in the know" about Smile!

What is AmazonSmile?

AmazonSmile is a simple and automatic way for you to support your favorite charitable organization every time you shop, at no cost to you. When you shop at smile.amazon.com, you’ll find the exact same low prices, vast selection and convenient shopping experience as Amazon.com, with the added bonus that Amazon will donate a portion of the purchase price to your favorite charitable organization. You can choose from nearly one million organizations to support.
Find out more here.

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